Feel real!!!

Bad baby.

A very very disgusting joke about a man and his girlfriend taking a walk in the country

A young courting couple are out for a romantic walk along a country lane. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desire rises to a peak. He is just about to get frisky when she says "I hope you don't mind but I really do need to have a piss".

Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he suggests she go behind this hedge. She nods agreement and disappears behind the hedge. As he waits he can hear the sound of tight nylon knickers rolling down voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain his animal thoughts a moment longer he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg.

He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly and with great astonishment finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror "My God Mary have you changed your sex!?"

"No," she replies, "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead"

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty in Golf but Aren't:

10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker

7. Look at the size of his putter

6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in golf but isn't:

1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty at the Office but Aren't:

10. I need to whip it out by 5.
9. Mind if I use your laptop?
8. Just stick it in my box.
7. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!!
5. HMMMMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid!
4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
3. It's an entry-level position.
2. When do you think you'll be getting off today?

And the number one thing that sounds dirty in the office but isn't:

1. It's not fair...I do all the work while he just sits there!

One important thing to do!!!

He likes u!!!

This is no TERRORISM!!!!!

Global Warming!

be friends.

No fighting plz!!!

A real shaved pussy...

Oh No!

Fly United

Damn!!! I failed the exam!

This is the truth.

Shut your damn mouth!

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.

The Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80."

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks."

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt."

Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife: "No, only when he's drunk."

We all are ONE!

The teacher came up with a good problem. "Suppose," she asked the second-graders, "there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?"

"None," answered little Norman.
"None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic."
"Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!"

Learn your arithmetics!!!

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?"

"That's exactly what I said!"